


Tight Spaces

by Lemon (lemon_sprinkles)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, EDI makes bad jokes, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Kaidan gets stuck, M/M, Shepard has a Good Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 14:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17920892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_sprinkles/pseuds/Lemon
Summary: Kaidan gets stuck.





	Tight Spaces

**Author's Note:**

> I was asked to write a little fic about either Shepard or Kaidan in a 'tight space' eons ago. So long ago that I forgot who first requested it! If it was you, please let me know and I'll tag you. This was written almost a year ago before I tumbled into Thesis Hell. Sorry for the delay!

 Shepard was informed about the incident through a private com channel.

 EDI’s typically calm and focused voice seemed to hold back barely contained amusement when she informed Shepard there was an ‘incident’ in the engineering deck that he should attend to immediately. Normally Shepard would have taken an ‘I’ll get to it when I get to it’ approach to the matter, but something about EDI’s voice told him it was a matter he’d want to get to right away.

 And so he made his way down, data pad in hand and a coffee grabbed along the way, wondering what Daniels and Donnelly had gotten themselves into when he stepped into the main core and spotted…

 An ass. And flailing legs.

 Someone had managed to wedge themselves into one of the lower compartments of the engineering deck. Shepard knew that there were small vents meant for human access that criss-crossed all over the Normandy, but never had he seen anyone actually attempt to go inside them. Despite this, however, he was fairly certain that the whole ‘ass in the air and desperately kicking legs’ wasn’t part of the process.

 For a moment Shepard thought it might have been Donnelly or Adams who had decided to do some repairs without the watchful eye of Tali, but when he cocked his head to the side and squinted, he realized he recognized that ass.

 That was the ass of none other than Major Kaidan Alenko.

 “What the hell, Kaidan,” Shepard managed to get out with minimal laughter.

 An echoing grunt was his only reply.

 “I fear this may be my fault,” EDI’s voice piped up above. “I had informed Major Alenko of a small repair that needed to be done to one of the systems down below. Instead of waiting for Engineer Adams, Major Alenko offered to assist. I was… reticent to decline the offer.”

 Shepard had never heard an AI laugh, but he figured he might just hear it yet.

 “Usually Engineer Adams goes feet-first,” EDI added.

 There was a static buzz at the other end.

 Placing his data pad and coffee down, Shepard crouched down next to Kaidan’s ass—a position he’d assumed before, but never quite like this.

 “How are you doing, K?” Shepard asked.

 Kaidan stopped kicking, and Shepard could practically hear his glare.

 “How does it look like I’m doing?”

 “Looks like you’re stuck.”

 “You don’t fucking say.”

 Kaidan didn’t usually swear unless he was really pissed off. Shepard figured he’d be pretty fucking pissed too, were their roles reversed. But as it stood, Shepard was the one looking in on the spectacle, and all he could do was stifle his laughter behind a clenched fist.

 “How long have you been down here like this?” Shepard asked. He patted Kaidan’s butt once.

 “A… a while…” Another grunt before the leg kicking resumed, one of his feet almost swiping Shepard in the jaw. “I’m starting to sweat.”

 “Major Alenko asked that I not inform the rest of the crew,” EDI supplied. “It took you a while to come down, despite my recommendation that you should, and I quote, ‘hurry’.”

 “Embarrassed, Major?” Shepard asked.

 “Fuck you.”

 “Now that’s no way to talk to your would-be-rescuer.”

 Kaidan fell limp then, legs splayed out across the floor. That was the look of a very defeated, very embarrassed man.

 “I thought we were friends,” Kaidan’s voice echoed pitifully from down below.

 Shepard chuckled and patted Kaidan’s ass again.

 “And what’s in it for me if I help you? Because leaving you here for the engineering crew to find you is looking pretty good.”

 “You’re a bastard.”

 “Not what I wanted to hear, K.”

 Kaidan was quiet for a while, and for a second Shepard thought maybe he actually had suffocated down below. But then he began wiggling again.

 “I’ll dust off your model ship collection.”

 “Is that all?”

 “Feed your hamster for a week.”

 “A week?”

 “A week.”

 “What else?” Shepard asked. He patted Kaidan’s butt again.

 “Uh… I’ll give you… a… kiss.”

 Shepard stood up and positioned himself above Kaidan, legs on either side of his wedged hips. Reaching down he grabbed Kaidan’s belt firmly and squatted.

 “You ready?”

 “Oh hell yeah.”

 “One… two… three.”

 Shepard heaved up and back, dragging Kaidan from the clutches of the Normandy and on to the smooth surface of the floor. Kaidan arrived like a squalling new born baby—pink and wet with a mess of hair atop his head. He just lay on the floor for some time, arm over his face, hiding his shame from Shepard. Eventually he made move to get up, and accepted Shepard’s hand.

 Shepard had to hold back another bark of laughter upon seeing the state of Kaidan. He wasn’t lying when he said he was sweating down there.

 “You look good,” Shepard lied.

 Kaidan gave him a look; a very pointed look.

 “You want your kiss now or later?” Kaidan asked.

 “Uh… later,” Shepard said, noting how in addition to sweat, Kaidan had a thin sheen of grease on him from the bowls of the Normandy.

 “Too bad,” Kaidan said before grabbing Shepard in a rough hold and planting a big wet one on his cheek.

 Shepard wiggled and shoved Kaidan away, laughter finally making its way out fully.

 “You need a shower, K,” he said, wiping his cheek off.

 “And I’m using yours,” Kaidan said as he walked—dejectedly—to the doors. He disappeared with a quiet swish, and Shepard caught him trying to tame the tumbleweed of hair atop his pink, sweaty head.

 Shepard found Kaidan attractive in probably pretty much every state, but it was hard to find the ‘just rescued from a cramped ventilation system’ look particularly sexy.

 “Shepard?” EDI’s voice asked.

 “Yeah?”

 “Should I feel offended that Major Alenko requires a shower after inserting himself inside me?”

 “EDI…”

 “That was a joke.”


End file.
